Always Dissappointed

I suppose I’m at the age where I should stop expecting things for my birthday, where I should stop expecting people to be nice care about it. But I’m at a point in my life where I don’t feel like anyone cares about me. I have friends and family, who are there for me, but when I tell them things they don’t really seem to care. Its defeating. So this year for my birthday I didn’t ask for anything because I wanted to pretend it didn’t exist, and if I made that choice then I couldn’t be disappointed. So when my birthday actually came my parents remember as they were walking out the door and said “Oh right, Happy Birthday, see you later”.  Then I went to work  all day and it was like a normal day. No presents, no cards, a few Happy Birthdays and I had survived the day. The next day I had picked up an icecream cake for myself because I usually always have one for my birthday. When I got home my mom had a blueberry upside down cake made and got mad at me for picking up the cake. So then I just spent the rest of my day in my room. Then Monday morning a package from UPS came in the mail and as he was opening it my dad was asking me about what I wanted for my birthday so I just told him I would probably want help with college books and he told me he had forgotten my birthday. So he opens the package and hands me a fitbit. I asked who it was for and he said “Well it isn’t or me” So I was really excited because it felt like my parents did care and they had the whole thing planned.

Then I was talking to my mom about how I really like my gift and asked if she had any part in it and she told me that my dad had bought the fitbit for himself and then as he was opening it decided that he would give it to me, because my parents really had forgotten my birthday. I know its dumb to be upset but for once I felt like someone actually cared and then when I found out what really happened that feeling was ripped away from me.

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