On Adulthood

I’ve been 18 for almost a year now (I turn 19 in 12 days). While I’m technically an adult I feel like a child trying on her mother’s oversized clothing. I quite literally feel like I’m playing dress up wearing dress clothes and working a lot. On the last day of my internship I was talking to my mother about how I wouldn’t get to play dress up and pretend to be an adult anymore. She turned to me and said “you’re not pretending anymore, you are an adult.” That has resonated with me a lot. I still turn to my parents at any bump in the road, and any time I need money I ask them.  I certainly don’t feel independent or different. Maybe it is because I’m home from college for the summer or maybe it is because I’m avoiding the responsibilities of adult hood. I’m beginning to have bad feelings about renting a room next year because although I won’t be living with my parents I will sharing a living space with an older couple and another student. I feel like a flake, like I’m not enough of an adult and I’m falling behind in the game. I guess this all spirals back into my fear of never being good enough.

Be kind. Be thoughtful.


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